I can't quite put my finger on it. It is unusual to say the least. Tonight my mind is drawn to the death of a childhood friend many years ago. What is this? Why am I having these thoughts? I feel stuck or even facinated by the subject of this person's death.
John was about 13 if I remember correctly. (It has been about 50 years, so do not hold me to exacts as far as age, dates, and other things.) If any of John's family members are reading this I apologize if this brings up sadness. John was a kid in our youth group at church. His family all attended there. As I recall the story, John was on a small motorcycle, probably a dirt bike, when he lost control and hit a tree. He was killed instantly. I remember that Sunday morning when they told our class at church. It seemed surreal because at 13 years old I had not dealt with death on a personal level. I remember asking my mom questions, questions that escape me right now, but I was very curious. She took me down to the funeral home where my friend was laid out. He was in a blue blazer and a tie. He didn't look right. I remember that. It still had not registered with me that he was actually dead. Forever.
I still wonder why things like this happen to kids. He was a good kid.
Why this is on my mind is beyond me as I write this. I just can't shake it. I wonder if it is some sort of weird "survivor's guilt" or something.
Who knows?
This is just strange and I hope I shake it pretty soon.
Good night to you all.
