What Have They Done To Halloween?!

 Halloween is over for another year. Like it matters! Someone screwed up Halloween a while back. Back in the day (Y'all remember "the day" don't you?) we had a real good time on Halloween! Me and my brother would dress up as something or other, usually involving a plastic mask with a rubber band tied to the sides, and off we would go through the neighborhood to collect and extort candy from the nice old ladies! We would rendezvous back at the hideout (our bedroom) and examine our treasure! My favorite loot was Mrs. Arnold's popcorn balls! Trick or Treating was pretty tame back then. We were in the era that preceeded razor blades in apples and needles in candy. I hope those who did that died a slow and painful death, but that's a whole other Jerry Springer.

Candy has changed now, and not for the better. No more of Mrs. Arnold's best. Now days they have crap like "Smarties". Smarties. Tiny, sour pieces of chalk-like trash that I wouldn't give out to the devil's kids! They even have beaded necklaces made of these crappy candies! I wouldn't feed them to the hogs. When we were kids we had real candy! Zero bars, Hershey's chocolate bars, with and without almonds, Three Musketeers, Chic-O-Stiks, and Pixie Stix(giant ones!), and if there was no popcorn balls we went and checked on Mrs. Arnold! 

Smarties?? That's what is wrong with Halloween these days. They figure no creepy people can slip a blade or needle into that mess so they ruin the whole year with the stuff.  

Now days you have teenagers out trick or treating, too.  Listen kids. When you turn 14 it's over for you with the free candy! Time to get a job and buy your own! Let the little ones have their day. You look stupid out running the streets begging for stuff. I hope you get a bag full of Smarties!

Not The Series, But My Little League World

It was the 60's. A long long time ago in an era when kids played until dark...unless they were playing baseball! Then they played under the bright lights! I started in Pee Wee League at the age of seven. My uniform fit about like a banana peel on a pencil, but I had one and I wore it proudly. My team was the Pirates and we took the field in blue and white. We were a rag tag bunch of kids with average at best talent.We weren't so much concerned about winning as we were about competing. We didn't want any participation trophies, just that coveted snow cone or dill pickle the coach bought us after the game. There was also a delicacy of Frito pie made by cutting down the side of the Frito package and pouring the chili and onions straight into the chips! (You had to buy that yourself, but I felt it was too good a memory to leave out!)

We had an older league as well. "Little League" proper. It was reserved for kids 9 through 11. Some of the  kids at that level were beginning to show signs of advanced talent. I remember a few names. My brother Stephen was one who could definitely hold his own with them. Louie Pope and Emmit Locket were two more who made a name for themselves as pitchers. Later on they would be standouts in high school ball. There were the Bell brothers, Dennis and Derwin. One of them was a pitcher who threw smoke and had control. Never knew what became of them. Then there were the two brothers I remember as being the legends of our lesgue. The Lidel brothers, Lane and Mark. Big guys who could play both sides of the ball. Mark was a tall, slender fella who pitched and could hit pretty good as well. But Lane...Lane is the one who remains a legend in my mind. One night the Lidels and the Bells squared off for a game, Tigers vs. Indians, Lane, the younger of the Lidels, came up to bat. He strutted, as was his usual way of walking, up to the plate and took the first pitch for ball one. The next pitch was a strike. Lane was unmoved by the call. It was the third pitch that put him in the history books. I believe Derwin was pitching and was throwing particularly hard that night. He went into his stretch and came home with the pitch. A hard fastball. Lane Lidel attempted to lay down a bunt but instead bunted a home run! No one had ever done that before and in the 55 years since, I have not heard of anyone doing it again! 

I played and was average, so no all stars or anything like that for me. I played until I was 17 and decided money in the pocket and gas in the car was more fun than baseball. I couldn't let the game go alltogether. I played church league softball until I was thirty! My old body has long since turned traitor on me, but I still love the game and can watch one on TV and never complain about the speed of the game. I just love watching...and remembering. Baseball, hot dogs and apple pie (maybe Frito pie!), it all has special meaning to me. 

The Mosquito Truck

 

Many moons ago, when the buffalo roamed the plains and stuff like that, I was a little boy. OK, so I wasn't born in the 1800's, but you get the picture...I'm old. It has been a long time since I was a kid. I can still recall those days, though! We rode our bikes and played around the neighborhood until dark. Life was good.

One memory that stands out quite vividly is that glorious thrill we got as kids when the mosquito man came to our neighborhood to spray God only knows what to ward off those pesky bugs. Grab your bike kids! It's time to ride around completely covered by the fog of spray behind the truck! I hear it's DDT day!! To think that no one went to jail for allowing their kid to do this is amazing given the natureof the Karen's in the world today. Beware! They are everywhere, lurking in the shadows and cracks of the very ground you walk on!

Seriously, though...What were our parents thinking?! We were kids. It wasn't expected of us to think. That's why moms and grandmas carried switches, or at least had access to a tree whereby you might be expected to go cut your own. If we messed up we got a whipping. This was pre-time-out. Mom or grandma would put that switch on your bottom to remind you you messed up and to permanently place in your mind not to do whatever it was you just did. If you did something egregious enough they would stand up and grab you by one arm. That way they could whip you in a circle, thus shortening the distance they might have to travel should you be opposed to the whipping. Grandma usually tired out or became dizzy and you got off easy. Mom on the other hand, not so much. It's a wonder we never got run over by that truck or worse yet, got cancer from the poison spray! Some may have. I don't know. I don't recall anyone among my group succumbing to the effects of the moquito fog.

What has happened to our country? You won't find kids doing the things we did back then. No staying outside all day. No playing in the front yard unsupervised even! Too much meanness in the world. Too many perverts. Too much pure evil period! Now days kids are too busy with Xbox and Roblox and Mine Craft and that mess to play outside anyway! What we need is fewer electronic gadgets and more porches where mom and grandma can sit and rock and visit with the neighbor from down the street while watching kids play. And mosquito trucks...we need more mosquito trucks.

Dumb Stuff I Do...

 

If I had to narrow it down to one thing in my life I have done that was, shall we say, "unenlightened", I do not think I could do it. Dumb stuff seems to follow me wherever I go in life. How many kids do you know who can leave music class headed to home room and took a two month detour by way of a hospital bed? 

Tonight was no exception. I had had lunch at my mother-in-law's house and left headed home. I checked the clock on my car radio and it read 5:30. I figured I would just keep going past my house and go straight to church a few miles down the road. Church starts at 6:00, so I would make it just a few minutes early...no big deal, right? Well... 

I pulled into the parking lot at 5:45 and noticed there were no cars there yet. Not unusual for a Sunday night during NFL season. Most people get there right at six. When six o'clock rolled around and still no one but me on the lot I was puzzled. Where the heck was everyone? I checked my phone and saw the problem. My car clock was an hour ahead! I felt so stupid!! It appears that when I set the minutes back to correct the time this morning, I somehow set the hour up one. Only me man, only me.

If the hour were not so late right now (I double checked and the clock is correct) I suppose I could cite many more examples from my "body of work", but I'm tired and this will have to do. Have a great night everyone!

It Really Happened!

I remember back in high school, we had a baseball coach who was, to me, the epitome of cool. Coach Hopkins. He was the freshman football coach and the baseball guy. In the summer he pitched for the area semi-pro baseball team. He was good, too!He could make the ball dance in the air! However, as is the case with all things, Coach Hopkins grew tired or bored or whatever and decided to go a different direction. He left coaching and became a Texas State Trooper. 

I got this story straight from his wife, so I know it is true. Coach was fresh out of Trooper school and was assigned to an area in Buffalo Texas, about halfway between Dallas and Houston. 

Now for the good part. On his first day on his own Coach stopped a speeding car on I-10. He approached the car unaware of what awaited him inside. He walked up to the driver's side window and leaned down to look inside. That's when he saw what could never be unseen. Two occupants. A man and a woman. Completely nude. Sans clothing. "Butt nekid."  Au Naturale as the French would say. Seems they were on their honeymoon and wanted to "let it all hang out"! Legend has it he let them go with a warning. I guess he pretty much had to, I mean...he couldn't pin anything on them!

Here's to our Troopers, Texas or wherever! I'll bet there are many more even better stories out there!

Adventures In Smokey Mountain Travel.

 

That was fun! Just spent a week in the Great Smokey Mountains and I got the T-shirt to show for it! Well... It's a dirty T-Shirt that I took with me on vacation and it's in the hamper waiting to get washed, but I got a T-Shirt! (It wasn't dirty when I took it with me. Just to be clear.)

I should explain that my brother lives in the Smokies and I spent the week with him and his wife. "Enjoyd the livin' tar out of it!" as the old timers used to say. One hour north of Knoxville on a mountain to be more specific. I can't remember the last time I have enjoyed myself so much while doing a whole lot of nothing! Hauling off scrap metal. Feeding sheep and chickens and dogs. Taking the cow to the vet for AI. Picking up said cow from vet. Changing the battery in an old pick-up. Watching a very skilled man use a large piece of heavy equipment to clear a patch of land. Stuff like that. No trips to see the great sights and sounds of East Tennessee and North Carolina. Just a lot of quality time spent with the old man who used to be young like me and who somewhat looks like me! 

I realize the trip sounds like it would not be all that fun, but I had a blast! Time with family takes on a whole different context as we get older. It wasn't about going to the National Forrest or DollyWood or any of that. It was about time spent with family. This was time well spent!

Listen For His Voice

 When I was dealing with cancer, 14 years ago, I would often lay awake in the wee hours of the morning. One O'clock. Two O'clock. Couldn't sleep. My mind was on fast forward and I couldn't shut it off. Too many "what if's" racing through my head. What if the chemo doesn't work? What if the surgery goes wrong? What if I loose my hair? (OK...That one was already in progress and it wasn't from the medicine!) What if my family has to go on without me?

What if I die?

The "what if's" were a major problem, but I didn't want to tell anyone. I was determined to tough it out on my own. Besides, who could help me anyway?! So I lay there, night after night. I tossed and I turned. I got up and played on my computer. I lay back down and tossed some more. 

Then one night, as the darkness of the room tried to hide all hope, I thought about Job and how he was in distress and how he questioned God. That did not go so well for him, but it got me thinking. Many characters from the bible crossed my mind. Then it hit me...Elijah. God caused a strong wind, then a great fire followed by an earthquake, but He was not in those.Then God spoke to Elijah in a still small voice. God asked Elijah, "What are you doing here?" While I did not hear a voice, I did get the message. What was I doing?! It was not so much what I WAS doing as what I was NOT doing. I was not trusting God. I was not listening for His voice. I was feeling sorry for myself! Then I did something I had needed to do the whole time...I prayed. I turned the whole mess over to God...and I slept. For the first time in a long time, I slept. When I woke up I was determined that I was not going to let the "what if's" get back in my head. 

You know what? My chemo treatments went fine. My surgery went perfectly. God handled the heavy lifting when I finally got out of the way!

It is not easy to turn your situation over to God sometimes. It's hard, actually. But if we stop getting in the way with our worries and listen for that still small voice, we may just find God in the room with us! He may not be in what the doctors have to say. He may not be in what we read on the internet. He may just be in that still small voice we hear in His whisper,"I got this. Get out of the way and let Me handle things." 

Listen? Can you hear it?