When I was dealing with cancer, 14 years ago, I would often lay awake in the wee hours of the morning. One O'clock. Two O'clock. Couldn't sleep. My mind was on fast forward and I couldn't shut it off. Too many "what if's" racing through my head. What if the chemo doesn't work? What if the surgery goes wrong? What if I loose my hair? (OK...That one was already in progress and it wasn't from the medicine!) What if my family has to go on without me?
What if I die?
The "what if's" were a major problem, but I didn't want to tell anyone. I was determined to tough it out on my own. Besides, who could help me anyway?! So I lay there, night after night. I tossed and I turned. I got up and played on my computer. I lay back down and tossed some more.
Then one night, as the darkness of the room tried to hide all hope, I thought about Job and how he was in distress and how he questioned God. That did not go so well for him, but it got me thinking. Many characters from the bible crossed my mind. Then it hit me...Elijah. God caused a strong wind, then a great fire followed by an earthquake, but He was not in those.Then God spoke to Elijah in a still small voice. God asked Elijah, "What are you doing here?" While I did not hear a voice, I did get the message. What was I doing?! It was not so much what I WAS doing as what I was NOT doing. I was not trusting God. I was not listening for His voice. I was feeling sorry for myself! Then I did something I had needed to do the whole time...I prayed. I turned the whole mess over to God...and I slept. For the first time in a long time, I slept. When I woke up I was determined that I was not going to let the "waht if's" get back in my head.
You know what? My chemo treatments went fine. My surgery went perfectly. God handled the heavy lifting when I finally got out of the way!
It is not easy to turn your situation over to God sometimes. It's hard, actually. But if we stop getting in the way with our worries and listen for that still small voice, we may just find God in the room with us! He may not be in what the doctors have to say. He may not be in what we read on the internet. He may just be in that still small voice we hear in His whisper,"I got this. Get out of the way and let Me handle things."
Listen? Can you hear it?